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Naked Bike Ride

7/16/2016

Patti Smith famously counseled budding artists not to move to New York – you’ll spend all your time just trying to pay the rent and never get around to your art. Rather, she said, move to the “Second Tier Cities.” By that she meant: cities where the living is easier (cheaper). These days even the Second Tier Cities are becoming prohibitive. So I’d amend that to say, move to a city with a healthy “weirdness” factor. Portland has it. Austin has it. And St. Louis definitely has it. And how can you tell?

Well something like this might give you a clue:

Yes, it’s the St. Louis Annual Naked Bike Ride. I’m here for the Netroots Nation 2016 Conference, but this is truly one of the highlights. I still don’t have permission to ride (coming soon), or I’d be joining in.

It's a ride where you can never wear enough watches...

And you can never have enough tattoos.

It can't be comfortable.

Unless you're on a recumbent.

As you can see, not everyone participates fully, though everyone adopts the spirit of weirdness.

And style is everything.

You may be surprised to learn this is a world-wide event:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Naked_Bike_Ride

And New York has one too:
https://www.timeout.com/newyork/things-to-do/see-cheeky-nsfw-photos-from-the-nyc-world-naked-bike-ride-2015

But don’t expect full frontal in New York City (courtesy The Gothamist)

If you want to ride naked here, it’s gonna be more of an Underwear Ride.

New York long ago lost its cachet for being weird.

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Discoveries

7/1/2016

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At this point in my physical rehab, I figure there is little to discover. It’ll be a long slow slog, and eventually I’ll get through it. But it turns out, the learning curve is still full of surprises.

On the downside, I am increasingly exhausted. I mean "Get-back-into-bed tired, and-I’ve-only-been-up-2-hours" exhausted. Yes, I get to the Y daily for an hour of rugged PT and cardio, plus the 10 block walk there and back. But that shouldn’t be so taxing should it? Yet, I’ve never experienced anything like this. I’ve just made an appointment with my PCP to have myself checked out (fearing the worst of course), when it occurs to me to ask Danielle about it. “Oh yeah, building back muscle mass is incredibly exhausting,” she says. “And it’s counter intuitive. The more exhausted you are, the more you have to push it.”

Well, it doesn’t always work that way, but I do what I can. There’s lots of inspiration on the street; find someone going not too fast, and get in rhythm behind them – sort of like pace lining. If I got that close of course, I’d be arrested, but it helps with motivation. And walking, as Danielle has pointed out, is all about momentum. The faster I move forward, the less stress on bones and muscles.

Meanwhile, I’ve discovered something about protein: it’s important. The ingestion of chicken or fish (don’t like red meat) has an immediate and lasting effect on my strength; stairs are quickly becoming manageable.

As for actually getting back on the bike, I rarely ask Danielle about it anymore, and she doesn’t bring it up. It’s just as well. One of the hardest aspects of all of this, has been the constant moving of goal posts (always further away, never closer).

But I still miss cycling. I’m now more personally aware of its dangers – but I’ve come to the conclusion that life is intrinsically dangerous. I think of my friend S, who never cycled but stepped into a pothole and has struggled with walking ever since; or my friend A, who tripped on a bench at The Hi-Line minding her own business, and broke her arm. I’m beginning to come to the conclusion that if you leave the house, you’re taking a risk (and even if you don’t).

Meanwhile, until I can get back on the bike, would it be too much to ask for an exercise bike that is responsive? With gears, with steering and a screen that actually takes you somewhere? How hard can it be? We’re living in a digital world after all. I hate exercise bikes that never move and even worse, the whole concept of cycling classes with loud music and some instructor yelling at me. I know it’s supposed to motivate me, but here’s what motivates me: Hills. Curves. And - -

Hey what’s this?

Is this what I think it is?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41tNF1AWuBU

I get on. There are 40 different courses, a “Pacer” in a yellow jersey to maintain motivation.

As well as hills

And curves.

And best of all, I’m traveling somewhere. The only thing it doesn’t let you do is coast (which real riders never do anyway, but I find it one of the unique rewards of the downhill). I sweat like hell but it feels right (though I miss having a breeze). Like a real bike, the seat is godawful, and not interchangeable with my own Selle, but that’s what cycling pants are for.

Mostly, this bike is safe: it’s self-balancing, the roads have no potholes (or cars), no pebbles, sand (or devious driveways), certainly no ice. I’ll never have to change a tire – or be stuck for a ladies room. And surprise surprise, I’m breathing! I can tell by how I feel the next day. It's not the real thing, but it's very close.

This is a game changer. From dragging myself to the Y, I'm going to look forward to it. And it takes the pressure off my need to get back up and running because it satisfies my inner cyclist somehow. In the meantime, this bike will help me build both strength and endurance, doing what I love most; when I do get back, I'll be ready. I never dreamed it could happen, but The Expresso Bike could actually become my new best friend.

Shhhhh, don’t tell Lola.

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Naked Bike Ride

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